WAKE UP! THERE’S FOOTBALL TO WATCH!
Hard to believe, but today marks the 25% point of the CFB season, and yet we know almost nothing about most of the country. Those looking for beef will be sadly amiss if they turn their eyes northward, since 70% of the Big 10 plays FCS teams or the MAC. But fear not: The Big 12 gives us a few zesty games, the rest of the SEC launches into its conference schedule, and the ACC…well, the ACC does whatever it is they do over there.
There are still plenty of good games worth checking out. We’re here as always to give you your schedule, and tell you what to watch, why it matters, and the turd from the punchbowl to pull out of your glass.
Here’s your schedule, for the 10th year, courtesy of CFB Grid. All times in God’s right and proper Central time zone — and if it were Standard time, it would be perfect.
Must See TV
No. 10 Alabama v FSU: The ‘Bama revenge tour began somewhat in earnest back in Norman Oklahoma in late December of 2025. Call this a continuation of that mission. Though, with a team composed of 51 new starters, can you even call it revenge? Half these kids were in high school or wearing another jersey then: Don’t fool yourself — when you’re Alabama, it’s not players that get embarrassed, it’s the name, the jersey, the program, the aura. This is as big a regular season non-conference clash as we’ve seen the Tide have since — God, when? — maybe the Penn State game in 2010?
No. 7 LSU @ No. 8 Ole Miss: I’m not even going fluff this one. It’s going to be an even more hateful affair than Nick Saban’s return to Baton Rouge in 2008. Think vintage “Red Wings-Avalanche”-sort of hate. Nazis v. Communists in the streets of Weimar Germany”-hate. “Dogs vs. fireworks”-hate.
Florida @ Auburn: For most of us, it’s our first real look at the new Gators under Sumrall. They’ve been damn impressive since then. The ‘Barn has been half impressive, at least on defense. Byrum Brown is about to get a baptism in fire though, methinks, and that unproven Auburn running game faces a far stiffer test than Southern Miss. The visitors are favored for a reason. That’s a lot of orange and blue to stomach for three hours though.
No. 22 Houston @ No. 13 Texas Tech: The Raiders just don’t look like last year’s vintage. Slow starts, trouble getting the passing game going, running it up late. And what happened to the defense? It’s not terrible, but they’re clearly missing the departed NFL talent. Willie Fritz’s Cougs have spent his three years trying to get to the Big 12 contender status. They’ve been a bit sluggish too though. This is going to tell us a lot about whether the B12 is a three-team race, or if there’s room for an upstart.
Need some winners for Week 3? We’ve got you covered over at Giving Away Money.
Always. Trust. The. Data.
Throw It On The Spare TV:
James Madison @ San Diego State: It seems like every week is giving us a G5 Playoff Elimination Match. Last week it was Boise State vs. Memphis. This week it’s JMU and SDSU. The Aztecs got thoroughly spanked by UCLA last week…but they should have. It’s a freaking Big 10 team. And JMU has yet to face a peer-level opponent, much less one as dedicated to defense as they are. Worth throwing on the spare tellie if you like hard hitting contests of MANBALL. And I know you do. This could get tense late, and turn into some Much See TV. Huge implications for the CFP.
North Texas @ Texas State: Don’t let the records fool you; both teams have had tough early games. This is much more in one another’s wheelhouse — good ole’ fashioned Texas shootout on tap. Take the over.
Kentucky @ No. 6 Texas A&M: I think we’ve established that Marcel Reed is hot garbage, but can his counterpart nibble away at a very vulberable Aggie secondary? Just like last week, the Cats aren’t going to be able to line up and win in the trenches; they’re going to have to take their shots when they get them. For A&M, can they repeat their formula of playing for the fourth quarter and hoping RTDB and late turnovers put the game away for them — not everyone is going to be so obliging as ASU and give them two pick sixes in the final frame. Will Stein is about to experience another first, as well: not only his virginal road game, but his first run-in with the weirdos in College Station. Somehow it’s an ultra-conservative campus playing fake Army, that is at the same time more homoerotic than 300 Spartans in San Francisco during Pride Week. Not even my gay, Army vet brother could figure that one out.
Mississippi State @ South Carolina: The Gamecocks have looked great…against slop. The Bulldogs have looked great…against Big 10 teams on the road. Columbia is a very hard place to get a road win, as it’s a truly underrated venue for hostility and disparity in play. That works against Lebby and crew. But Kamario Taylor has been the truth and the way, and the MSU offense is already in midseason form. Many ‘Bama fans are already sweating that ‘State game as a potential trap game. This one will help tell us whether it’s truly a trap or whether to circle it as an obviously difficult opponent worthy of respect.
West Virginia @ Virginia: Very interesting inter-conference game between two not-so-neighborly neighbors (seriously, the WV/VA split is fascinating history). Hard to believe they’ve played fewer than two dozen times in 140 years. For the Caves, it took half a decade, but Tony Elliot finally built a good program based on his calling card at Clemson: High octane balanced offense. Rich Rod has just begun his reunion tour at his alma mater, and owing to a very specific system, it will take a full recruiting cycle to get up to snuff. But the promise is starting to peek through this season, with an offense that looks more coherent and closer to the usual Rich Rod vintage. If you love option football, and runs between the tackles, this is your bag.
Commercial Check-in:
UNC @ Clemson: Are the 2-0 Tarheels actually decent? Are Dabo and his Tigers as cooked as they appeared to be on Labor Day? UNC has been a bit distracted this week with Bill’s creeper kid, and Dabo is busy doing Cringe Tok videos and counting his buyout money come December. But in this “sorta’ hot seat” contest, there is football to be played. This seems like the sort of game Belichick would pull out of his ass: bad QB play and good defense for both teams…one is just marginally better at it.
No. 16 SMU @ No. 23 Luhvl: Despite the high-scoring reputations for these two ACC powers (and that word is doing a lot of heavy lifting), they’re at their best when they’re winning with defense: For the Cardinals, that is their excellent defensive line. For the Mustangs, it’s turning heir deep DB corps loose to wreak havoc. The winner won’t be the one who executes best on offense, it will be who can impose their will defensively.
New Mexico @ Oklahoma: The way the Lobos play defensively, and the way that OU’s run game evaporated and John Mateer played last week, the Sooners better watch their collective Dirt Burglar asses — they can lose a 7-0 game off a pick six. It’s time for OU to actually live up to their potential, innit?
Fresno State @ SJSU: Everyone focuses on Boise, but who’s next? Two of the Mountain’s best offenses will help determine that. Is Fresno in particular ready to take that next step into the MWC’s upper tier once again?
Va. Tech @ Maryland: Defense vs. Offense. Franklin’s first real competition since taking the helm of the Hokies, and the season’s first roadie for his suddenly-talent rich VT squad. Is Tech as good in all three phases as they’ve looked so far? A solid, but not great Terrapin team will tell the tale. For the Terps it’s the same ole’ story: can that explosive offense hold up against someone determined to push your shit in sideways? The collapse usually comes midseason, but UMD may get an early jump on it.
Unwatchable Filth
USC @ Rutgers: Have you actually seen Rutgers play football this year? Have you seen the Trojans kitten paw on defense this season? Even the woebegone Scarlet Knights offense may see the scoreboard a few times. They’re going to get slaughtered, of course, but anything in the double digits given the talent disparity ought to be grounds for immediate termination of Lincoln Riley. This game sounds boring, it will be boring, and I don’t think even the players want to be here for it.
Have a great weekend, kick back and enjoy tonight’s surprisingly huge game, and prepare for a long day tomorrow full of implications for the SEC and Big 12.
Roll Tide
Fancy!
This is bad.
But! But! It works sooooo well to come into a game looking like you don’t know your asshole from your elbow! Kentucky and now Free Shoes – the identity has been established!